What a day!

Well today was sure an interesting day!

Wednesdays are my day I can sleep in a little longer because I don’t have class until 1 pm…but this morning I woke up and was wide awake at like 5 am. Why can’t that happen when I am supposed to wake up really early like tomorrow!

So I cleaned up my room this morning and it felt good to get that done, washed my sheets and I am hoping they are dry enough before I go to sleep pretty soon here because we have to air dry everything.

I had my first test in my language class and oh dear…I bombed. I am the worst test taker I swear. I forget everything because I want to do so good I overthink or something!! I hate it when you are sitting there with the bright lights, the teacher occasionally sending a glance your way. You glare down at the sheet of paper thinking I know this…ok…think….think…and it doesn’t come! Haha. Well it didn’t for me. I felt wicked dumb when I handed in my test because I don’t want her to grade it and be like Hilary is not understanding. Because I know that stuff!

After the 3 hours of torment ended I went and sat at this park for awhile and was reading. I noticed an older man slowly approaching me and as he got closer and closer I was thinking…please don’t talk to me…..please turn….but alas, he is standing right there and says something to me in french. I told him I didn’t speak French. Then he just stood there and kept talking to me… and I was like ummm okay. Then, to my dismay, he started grabbing himself and I was like oh my heck are you serious. Then, he keeps repeating the words you are a beautiful girl, I like to watch you. Oh and then right after he would grab himself again. I was pretty disturbed but kept thinking in my head…if I get up he might grab me or something so I just ignored him and kept reading my book…then eventually he walked off doing everything I have just said above as he walked away. EWWWWW!! He was dressed nicely, wearing a wedding ring and everything - he must have just been really drunk. Poor guy.

Then on the tram there was a really creepy guy just staring at me. that is my absolute favourite thing- there is no escape. You just wait and feel their eyes on you. (said with sarcasm!)

I have to give a presentation tomorrow in my conversation class about superstitions and if I believe in them or not. I have yet to prepare it. I will talk about Friday the 13^th or something and possibly breaking a mirror and having 7 years bad luck… maybe that is why such crazy things have been happening to me! I think I have broke a few mirrors in these last few years!!

I bought this YOP yesterday because I love yop. When I was a little girl my mom would take me to the store with her and she would never let us buy treats so I remember I would always go straight to the yop and because it was a healthy yogurt drink I would always get one. But, yops are also very tasty. Mmmm…so here, I spotted this one and its like 15 little yops in one so I bought it and drank the whole thing! Haha. Don’t judge me!

Bisous! xx.

Pickles

Sorry it has been a few busy days for me! I have been in school and having some major ups and downs. For any guy reading this, he will think, of course you are having ups and downs! – you are a girl!! Ha…but for reals, I feel like there are so many things going through my mind with respect to new words, verbs, phrases and cultural things, that it can be overwhelming at ttimes. Monday was a great day. I had a long day for school, but I felt like I could understand a lot more than I usually do! I had my conversation class in the late afternoon and we were asked to bring something that was important to us. Well, I didn’t want to get too personal in class so I brought my laptop. The students didn’t know what we brought, but they had to ask questions to find out what it was and then guess. So they started to ask Oui/Non questions to me and finally they guessed it. Then, I had to explain why it was important to me. So I said in French that my laptop was important to me because it is the way I can communicate with my family and friends who are at home, and because I like to write down my feelings sometimes in the form of song lyrics. She was asking me a lot of questions as always, so I explained I came here alone and sometimes being alone without those you love can be hard and that is why I feel my laptop is important because it allows me to keep contact with my loved ones. She then asked me if I was homesick and I said, sometimes I miss my brothers and sisters a lot, and my parents… and she asked me if I cried… I was like WHOA! This is getting a little too personal! But she was really serious, so I answered Not really, but I want to sometimes! Haha. Then she asked me what I write my songs about and I said many things, but mostly boys, love, things that make me feel a lot. She thought this was really cool and a little funny. Then she asked me about something that wasn’t electronic that meant something to me. I think she missed the point when the laptop clearly wasn’t the important thing to me…it just allowed me to keep the most important things close to me. Anyways, I thought, well my religion is very important to me because it is the reason for everything in my life. I then explained as best as I could that I was Christian and that even though my religion isn’t something I can touch, it is something always in my heart that can go anywhere I go. Then we all got into a conversation about religion. It was a good class. I feel like I always end up talking a lot in that class. People just are always asking me questions!

Something funny I have noticed is that there is a woman in my class who waits for me now and she wants me to explain to her what just happened in class, or what the teacher asked us to do for homework. So then I try to explain it to her. English isn’t her first language either. It makes me feel good that out of all the students she asks me for help and I am glad to help her.

Today was a little bit of a rough start. I had to wake up at 6:00 a.m. and I was so tired that I wanted to just go back to sleep. I pulled something in my back on Monday morning and was in so much pain but I had to go to school anyways and then today it felt a lot better but it is still pretty sore. So this morning I just felt beat up. My knee was aching and my back sore and I was feeling like an elderly person. Vanessa and I walked to the bus stop today and the whole way my knee felt like it was just gonna explode with more and more pain with each step but I just tried to push it out of my mind and keep going. By the time we reached the bus stop, I decided the Europe hates my knee. Every time I am in Europe my knee constantly gives me trouble. The bus was late, and class seemed like an eternity of me not being able to focus on anything the teacher said. I knew what we were talking about but only in general. Not specific words. So I felt like all the improvement I thought I gained on Monday was gone.. During the 15 min break, I decided to read my Book of Mormon and I ended up reading in The Words of Mormon. It was great because a few things really stood out to me and helped me remember my purpose here, which I feel I need to be reminded of constantly. It is funny because on the mission you are supposed to recite “My Purpose” all the time. Now, I know why! So maybe I need to make a “My Purpose” en français! Any ideas on a good one, just let me know!

After class a few of the girls wanted to eat at the school cafeteria. For only 3 euros you get this ticket and a meal with water, a roll, salad, a dessert and then your meal. It made me think I would never be able to eat at BYU-Idaho’s Crossroads again! This is one of the options for my salad today. I was like ummm no. I love pickles a lot, actually I think all my family loves pickles, so much so that during Christmas or Easter dinners, when they are cut nicely and put to the side of the counter in the lovely dish, waiting to be placed on the table with the dinner, all of the kids in my family sneak pickles… so by the time dinner comes, we have to pretty much refill the dish! Whatever it was on that plate today was not looking like something I wanted to eat. We opted for the PIZZA.

Tomorrow I have my first exam in my language class. I have studied a bit for it today and I will again before class tomorrow and I hope I do well!! I am so lucky because Melanie helps me so much with all my questions! She got out of the hospital today and is doing really well! It is really good to have her back home. She has become my French sister!

Today I bought a little notebook that is all alphabetized and I am writing down my own dictionary of words I need to remember and I am pretty excited about it. I am going to learn french!

Bisous! xx.

Coincidences

I woke up feeling as though I aged. Now when I look in the mirror its as though I am really 25 instead of the 20 – 21 that most people guess. I didn’t realize that learning a new language would cause such an unfortunate outcome!

Well Melanie is in the hospital. We bought her some freezies because she is not able to open her mouth to eat a lot because her throat is so swollen and in pain when she swallows. It’s a good thing we bought them because that is all she has been able to eat! Last night she went to the hospital at about 3:00 a.m. and they are keeping her there for a few days at least. She will most likely be getting her tonsils out! Poor thing. I feel as though my sleeping patterns are going insanely crazy and I am always feeling so tired. I need to eat a big juicy bloody steak maybe to get some more iron in me!

So a thank you goes out to Dane Owens for sharing a scripture with me found in Doctrine and Covenants 90:15 “And set in order the churches, and study and learn, and become acquainted with all good books, and with languages, tongues and people.” I guess this is what I am trying to do but I didn’t realize it was found in the scriptures. It has got me thinking a lot about WHY I am here and has definitely motivated me to give more and try harder. So thanks;)

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The sun is shining, there is no snow (not like at home from what I hear!!) and I am listening to Heavensong, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It’s a really nice CD. I am feeling more motivated today to learn this language and to do it because I know I am supposed to be here. Have you ever wondered if coincidences are really coincidences?? Is it a coincidence that I was asked to train Vanessa 3 years ago at this time in the mission? Is it a coincidence that for the past few years the desire to learn French has been growing in me? Well, who am I to say? All I know is that I for one do not think there is any coincidences, unless you count liking the same kind of cereal as someone else. I think back on my life and cannot help but be grateful now for what seemed to be hard times and really odd experiences in my life. We cannot always see the end from the beginning and we are not supposed to. How much would I love to see the end from the beginning though!!

I guess I just want to invite anyone who is reading this today to think about where Heavenly Father has led you in your life, express gratitude and look for the little “coincidences” around you knowing that you are fully in the Lord’s hands.

While I was serving with Sister Gessati on my mission, she gave me this little “mormonad” with the title of IN HIS HANDS. I actually love this so much that I take it everywhere with me when I move. It is on the wall by my bed as I write this. Although worn and maybe a little faded, this stands as a huge reminder of the Savior’s love for me. He has literally engraven me into His hands. You may pause and wonder- “yeah of course He has, but I don’t feel it is for me…”

Well I am here to tell you that it is for you. If the Savior knows who I am…a random girl from Canada who seems to need a lot of direction and help. A girl who has lived in many cities, had many jobs, dated a lot of guys, attended different universities, made way too many mistakes, changed her major more than she’d have liked, yelled at her brother, fought with her friends, a girl who has felt complete joy, a never ending pit of sorrow, and hope for something more in life, then you can be assured HE KNOWS YOU.

He doesn’t pick favourites like we do.

So trust Him. What better hands could we ask to be in?

Experiences

“L’expérience est le nom, que chaqun donne à ses erreurs”

Sometimes when something really good happens, something follows that tries to make us discouraged or feel inadequate for the task at hand. This morning I had a great experience and then this afternoon I went to commerce to buy some grammar books and also try to find a few good CDs (in French) so that I could surround myself with more than just speaking French , but use music which happens to literally be part of my soul, in order to improve. I didn’t have much luck to be honest! I grabbed stacks of random CDs that looked like they might good, totally tossing aside the well given advice of not judging a book by its cover, and went to the music listening station where I ended up tossing more than just the saying aside. I didn’t realize it would be hard to find something I liked. Back home, I could easily leave a store with 10 CDs if I had the funds to do so.

I searched high and low for some grammar books and a visual dictionary and I even asked 2 workers, but they didn’t really help me. They would only point to the section I needed to look in. And let me tell you, I looked!! There was nothing there. Anyways, I was frustrated after and I left the store feeling pretty low for some reason. I stood at the top of the steps of the building and could see people everywhere eating, laughing, walking hand in hand to the cinema and standing around with shopping bags in their hands. They all looked content in whatever they were doing at the moment. I stood there and the feeling of being alone just completely overwhelmed me. Funny how some of the times I have felt the most alone in my life are the moments when people are surrounding me on every side, music is playing, people are speaking. It should be the opposite, but when don’t have someone to enjoy the sweet little moments in life with it can really be disappointing.

I walked through the city center and stopped to buy some postcards and then walked to this little park where I sat on a wooden park bench under some lush trees that are starting to change colour. Some green, some red. It is still warm here so I don’t even need a jacket. The light was streaming through the trees scattering flecks of light and shadows on my clothes and the postcards I had laid out on my lap. It was warm and I felt so at peace being there, but completely alone at the same time. How can you feel two things so opposite like that at the same time?

The faint smell of cigarette smoke is something I am getting used to. I remember one time my sister Becca and I were walking into a store in Rexburg, Idaho, where we attend university, and we both looked at each other because we saw someone smoking and could smell it. We both laughed because we both expressed the feeling of missing Europe. I think it is something I will always associate with my adventures here.

I used two new grammar concepts I learned this past week in conversations the past few days. Feels really good to know I am improving… slowly, but surely.

Bisous! xx.

LES CREPES!

I am not sleeping. I wake up in the middle of the night missing sleeping next to my little sister who drives me crazy when I share a bed with her cause she lays all over the place, and because I am dreaming about annoying boys (don’t ask cause I’m not going to say), and also because I'm having a pounding headache that sometimes I try to solve by laying on the side of my head that is hurting hoping the pressure of my pillow will take the pain away just enough for me to fall back asleep. Then, hopefully the stress me out headache will go away and come again another day…only the next night! I don’t really enjoy this too much because I need my sleep anyways. I’m one of those people that needs a good 8-9 hrs every night or I feel tired the next day. This morning I was completely exhausted and after getting ready later than usual and everything I didn’t make it to class. My headache wouldn’t go away until hours later so maybe it was better I didn’t go and make it worse. I think the reason I am getting these ridiculous headaches is because my brain is just too tired! Ha. It’s good though, my brain is getting really strong I think. Just like when you lift weights…can a brain increase in strength as well as in knowledge? Interesting.

Sometimes when you are on the tram people (especially creepy guys) just stand there and stare at you- and you are sometimes only like 5 feet away from them and its completely obvious they are staring at you! Hello!! I can see you?!! So anyways, this happens daily to me, and today it just so happened this stare bear was on the next tram too…and I was like, “Vanessa, watch this guy and make sure he doesn’t start following us!” I feel like I am always looking over my shoulder here to make sure that they are not following me or something. It’s probably just in my head but sometimes I just feel I need to be a little careful.

Melanie is ill and was not feeling well and Vanessa and I went to pay some of tuition- it was so difficult because my visa and debit card will not allow me to take cash out of a bank machine here! While walking back we walked by this shop and had to take a picture by the famous English telephone booth we saw in the window. Brought back some good memories of us in the mission! I was asking her a few questions about French and the grammar I learned in school 2 days ago that I was just not understanding suddenly clicked in my head and I was like, “I GET IT!!” So that was a great moment for me. Took long enough eh!

By the time we got home Melanie was really upset and feeling terrible and the doctor told her if she got tonsillitis again she would have to get them out…this was only 4 weeks or so ago- and here she is again ill with the same thing. So we went to the hospital which was called Hotel Dieu! Hotel God!! Haha. I said to Vanessa, “That is the hospital name?!! REALLY?!” and she laughed and assured me it was. Then as we were walking around it there was a lot of construction and we felt like we were in a war zone. We were looking around at eachother and making jokes about it. We left Melanie and Sam in the hands of the doctor and left the HOTEL DIEU and Vanessa and I were walking back to take the tram back home when I spotted a little sign that said Creperie! I was like, “We gotta gooo!!” So we did, and we liked it! A lot! They have everything from the dessert crepes with chocolate, banana, jam, sugar, apples, whatever… to the meal ones with eggs and bacon and other stuff. Mmmmm. So we got chocolate banana ones. And, as you can see by the pictures I was not disappointed in my first “real” experience eating a crepe in France. I enjoyed the moment I must say! I will go back another time and eat the actual meal one next. Mmmmmm. Any suggestions on what to get next?

Bisous! xx.

Nantes has a pet elephant!

Wow, what a day. Today was one of those days where you go to school, don’t understand a thing and then pretty dumb because you know you should have done better. I honestly cannot believe how some days I just can’t hear anything. It sounds like a big jumble of words all slurred into one. In my conversation class I had to give my presentation about Canada and why it is bizarre… which, it’s not if any of you are wondering!! And I started to talk about my family without my notes and then I got a thousand questions about WHY we have so many kids in our family and what are the ages etc. It was really funny!! One of my professeurs today asked me what my name was and she asked it in a way I guess I’m not used to because I had no idea what she said. Great. So the student next to me nudges me and says: prenom, prenom! Let’s just say felt a little dumb.

Vanessa and Melanie were at the uni too so we walked to the tram and took it home together. On the way they could see that I was really feeling the weight of all the information and it was overwhelming me more than usual.

I was so exhausted after I got home that I went to my bed and slept for 3 hours and it felt extremely good. I think sometimes when we are tired things just seem way worse than they really are. Then I was thinking maybe I would go look at some grammar books in commerce and so I put my shoes on and started to walk to the tram. I figured it would be better for me to get out of the house than stay at home and feel sorry for myself. Which, there isn’t any reason to feel sorry for myself because I am in France! So I walked to the tram and as I was walking I saw two white shirts and I knew the missionaries were there! They had just come over to our flat to visit with Melanie this week and so I had just met them. I was feeling pretty low and when I walked over to them they said Hilary! Hi! So we started to talk and they had just been stood up for one of their appointments and they were like what are you doing right now? And I said, nothing really. I just wanted to get out of the house and was going to commerce. They asked about school and I started asking them a lot of questions about grammar and they were trying to explain things to me and then they said they could take some time now because they didn’t have anything going on. So anyways- we went and talked for awhile and I got some help with my French and we were able to talk about the gospel as well. It was exactly what I needed and I felt really blessed that they happened to be at that one tram stop the same time as me. While we were together the famous “Nantes Elephant” walked by! We could actually hear it before we saw it! It is run by a coal maching I think – but no electricity. It’s really amazing actually. It blinks and it even goes to the bathroom!! Haha. I know that must sound crazy, but water comes out! Haha. It’s really big as you can see my by pictures! You can ride it- I'm going to go next week for a ride... I'll let you know if it's everything I dreamed of and more! The elders told me that I was lucky to be in Nantes because it was the prettiest city they had seen so far in their mission and one had even served in Paris. They said it was clean and beautiful here. I lucked out!

Then I just walked by the river and thought for awhile – I always am thinking here. If you are wondering why I am thinking a lot, it is because I find that if I take some time everyday for myself, whether it is to read, take a walk, lay on my bed and listen to music or whatever, it really helps me. I enjoy this time a lot actually. These are the times I can release everything in my head, gather some insights and memories and think about what I can do to change or improve myself. I love it. It was especially cool because walking by the river reminded me of my last area in Nottingham, England and the river trent right next to our flat. This river was the same river Elder Ballard walked on his mission and had some neat experiences there. Anyways, in the early mornings while my companion was running (back and forth in front of me so I didn’t lose her!) I would sit there on these huge steps that descended down to the water’s edge and think enjoy breathing in the crisp autumn air and stretch. It was beautiful. There were rowers, ducks and the smell of food shops as well as the musty smell of the water. It was so peaceful. You can see in the pictures the buildings look a little tipsy... how would you like to live in that building. You could slide on the floor! No, probably not, but it would be a little weird I think.

After I took my time and headed back home. School tomorrow and then Vanessa and I are going to a party (my first one in France!).

Parlez Vous Français ?

Sorry I haven’t written here in a few days. I have been busy with school and trying to speak French! I have had a lot of support from family and friends which I have not only needed, but also really appreciated. I can feel that my desire to learn French and to succeed in my goals has become the desires of those that love me.

So thanks to everyone!

After conversations with certain people, I have felt that maybe, my real problem is over stressing! For all those that know me well, this is nothing new! Because of me being a perfectionist, I am always expecting so much of myself. Sometimes, more than what others expect and probably sometimes even more than Heavenly Father expects of me. But, I don’t know how to change this and so I continue to over stress and worry about everything. So, after a lot of thought and a lot of praying, I decided that I was going to turn this whole experience over to the Lord. My time here may not just be to learn a language, but maybe to learn things such as patience or humility, or diligence, or even how to adapt and accept differences. I have no idea really, but it doesn’t really matter. As long as I am enjoying every day, taking advantage of opportunities to speak, learn, teach, serve and experience LIFE, then what more could I get out of this time? This is the best I can give I think.

Today after university I met up with Vanessa and Melanie. We went and ate and I had to buy Vanessa an ice cream because her boot broke (see picture) completely randomly as we were walking (and having a conversation in French I might add). She remembers that in the mission when something terrible happened or it was just a bad day that I would always fix it with ice cream. Funny how she remembered that. Vanessa and Melanie have been really great and I am so lucky to have them because they are constantly answering my many questions about why do you do that? Why can’t you say it like this? What does this mean? How would you say …?

So a little recap on the studies at the university. It’s going well. I am in 3 main classes. Language, Conversation and Phonetics. One I have everyday and I like the teacher a lot. It’s just the language class so we learn a lot about grammar and the rules of the language. We listen a lot to CD’s, and we have to hear and understand. This is something I am struggling with. I can write really well. Better than most in my class. For some reason, when its time to listen, most of the words sound like one long word of blended sounds.

It reminds me of when I was on my mission and serving in Wales, there is this place called:

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch The longest town name in the world means "The church of St. Mary in the hollow of white hazel trees near the rapid whirlpool by St. Tysilio's of the red cave" Anyways, I just remember this word when I hear someone say a sentence really quickly. I am like what?! Please repeat! So it is something I am trying to improve on for sure. In class the professor will only speak French. Even if you are not understanding and you have a question, she will not speak in anything but French. This can become a little frustrating, but I realize its good! For example, yesterday and today the professor asked me some questions that were to see if I understood and was applying what we had just learned. Well, I was really slow in responding because I was trying to say the right thing and I was translating in my mind. Everyone keeps telling me to not translate anything but to just think of the French word, but I don’t know how I am supposed to do that at first. It’s kinda of inevitable that I would be translating. Anyways, the teacher looked at her watch because I was taking so long and then after I was done she said – it took a long time but great job. I felt relieved but also really embarrassed because so many of the other students were quick with their responses. Today was the worse though because when she explained a new concept I had a question and I raised my hand knowing I was going to struggle to express myself, but I thought, I want to understand so I better ask! So I did and she was not really comprehending what I was asking and after about 5 min of me speaking to her in my pathetic French, and her explanations that were fast and with me looking confused, I told her in French – I will think about it. Sorry I don’t understand that well. Then she moved on but then asked me again if I understood and I said – it’s fine. I can honestly say I felt like the dumbest student in the class at this point and frustrated because I knew that there were more students that didn’t understand what I was confused about as well, but they didn’t say anything. I could feel tears welling up and I was saying in my head Hilary, you are not going to cry over this. It’s really not worth it. And I didn’t. It doesn’t feel very good when you are searching every part of your mind for one simple word in French that you have known in English since you were a child. Especially when all eyes are on you and you sound really inexperienced and stupid. In my phonetics class, I was pronouncing things really well and I felt pretty good so that made up for some of my doubt and crappy feelings about myself. Tomorrow I have to give 2 presentations in my conversation class. One on something weird about my country. My first thought was to say, “you know that I come from Canada right? There is nothing bizarre about Canada.” As I thought about it longer, I was still feeling like Canada is a pretty normal place. For anyone reading this that happens to be from another country, I am not really interested in why you think Canada in bizarre because it’s one of the only happy thoughts I have right now so please don’t ruin it for me! Haha. Anyways, the other presentation I have to write on is what I think is bizarre about France. So I decided to write about how they have strikes all the time. I think this is a little bizarre. So wish me luck because last time I had to give a presentation in French at BYU-Idaho, I was totally prepared, I stood up in front of my class with confidence and the moment I opened my mouth to speak everything I had worked on, practiced and thought about was gone. I stood there with my mouth hanging open and saying uhhhhhhh. And then with doubtful eyes I looked at my professor and said I don’t know what to say. I think I just forgot everything. Ha. I think at that moment I was feeling pretty stupid. Kinda like today. Sometimes I feel so dumb about something that I feel everyone is going to remember it after class and tell everyone about it because gosh, everyone must be talking about Hilary Anderson right?! Ahhhh. No. Most people don’t care and don’t think twice about the stupid things that happen during the day. There is always tomorrow’s news to replace your embarrassing moments, and I have to say, I am really grateful for tomorrows!

Bisou! xx.