So yesterday I took a little walk through Nantes. It was really hot and humid out and it sure felt nice to be out on such a nice day. I sat by each of these places for awhile and thought a lot about many things. It was a very relaxing day with a lot of walking. As I was walking up some steps at the castle, my bad knee did something really weird inside and it brought a lot of pain on! After, I decided to keep moving on and walk it off, and it continued to swell and hurt for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Last night I was in and out of sleep constantly because it was throbbing and this morning I was told by Vanessa that all night she could hear my tossing and turning and sometimes whimpering in pain! I didn't know I did that when I was in pain! One of the great things about being here and trying to learn a language is that by the end of the day my brain is finally so tired that I fall asleep rather quickly. At home, it takes me ages to turn my brain off so I can fall asleep! This morning Vanessa, Melanie and I arrived at the church with the first meeting being Relief Society. It was really nice that Melanie came today because she doesn't usually come to church anymore and I was hoping that she would feel the spirit there and know that she is loved.
My throat was sore, my knee pulsing with pain, tired and hungry from fasting and the lesson in Relief Society was about having children...of course it was given in french so I was trying really hard to listen close and not let my mind wander. I had the thought to open my scriptures and I started to read from Jacob chapter 5. One of my favourite chapters in the Book of Mormon.
While I was on my mission, I wanted so badly to understand this chapter because it seemed as though my whole life I would reach Jacob chapter 5 and it seemed so long and hard to understand I would want to skim it over instead of trying to learn it. So whilst on the mission, I remember I took one month and I studied Jacob chapter 5 every morning in my personal study amongst other things and I was able to feel the love that the Savior has for each one of us as I was reading. Especially the love that He has for me. So today, as I was reading I had the thought, why am I here in France, and why am I still not understanding so much of the language?! And as I read I started to imagine the chapter applying to me today in my current situation and how the Lord has to dig about and prune and work with me in order for me to become what he wants me to become. Anyone who has heard the talk by Hugh B Brown titled, "The Gardner" will relate. I love this chapter because the Lord repeats over and over that "it grieveth me to lose this tree..." It may not mean anything to anyone reading this blog, but for me it helped me feel that if I do all that I can, that the Lord wants me to stay here and accomplish what I came here to do. It will grieve Him if I give up. Most importantly, He wants me to know He loves me.
The lesson ended and the Relief Society sisters had time to share testimonies. I felt really strongly that I should get up and share my testimony so I asked Vanessa to translate for me. So I went and started to tell them that since leaving home in my life, I haven't been homesick very often and I don't usually cry, but today, I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with the spirit and with the challenge of learning french that I couldn't help it! Sometimes when thinking about my life and my experiences, I stop and wonder why me? Why is this happening to me? Why does the Savior still love me after I make so many mistakes? Why does He care? And I can't help but remember that the reason why is simply because of love. Sometimes we can't explain anything at all, because there are no words to ever express it. But love, love is the reason for everything with the Savior. And today, more than I have felt in other times, I really felt a tangible love from Him.
It was the last day of a girl from England today - she came to Nantes one year ago to study like me and she was very emotional today. During the song and the prayer she sobbed and even though I couldn't understand anything but a few simple things, I felt the spirit so strong because I knew that the love behind all the words spoken or sung really meant something. Even though they just sound like words to me that I don't understand, they really do have meaning and they are the yearnings and expressions from hearts. In sacrament meeting she shared her testimony in french, and then her father, who was here to get her, shared his testimony as well. He can't speak french so she translated for him. Apparently, since she had been away for one year, he started to come back to church and so did his mother after she saw her son coming back. This father and this girl looked so happy and she said that she can see now how the Lord uses small and simple things to bring about GREAT things. It really makes you think what you can change in your life, even though it may seem small, and what kind of effects it can and will have.
There hasn't been a lot of times in my life when I felt as though a thousand emotions were running through my body, but today was one of those days. I also received a blessing for my knee today because the pain is so bad. The nice young man who spoke, used some french and some english and even though he didnt know all the words to say or how to express things in english he said repeatedly to me that when it gets difficult just remember that Heavenly Father loves you. With tears in my eyes and a lot on my mind, I felt so much at peace and thought, what else could be so perfect to feel?
So anyone who is reading this blog today, I would invite you to take a few minutes and decide something you want to change, small or big, and do what you can to make the changes. The best thing, is that Heavenly Father loves us so much he wants the desires of our hearts just as much as we do. So trust in Him...you will not be disappointed.
